Jealousy...What a Beautiful Emotion!

Jealousy, what an amazing and sneaky emotion! I was so pleased with myself the other day while thinking, “I am so glad I was created with the temperament such that I don’t find myself jealous of others, but rather find joy in their success, happiness and well-being, even if they have what I want.” Yes, it is as soon as we puff up our chests with a sentiment such as this that a reminder of our humanity is served to us on a silver platter, or Instagram.

This past Sunday the weather was unseasonably warm and was a day that beckoned outdoor play. I was sick and I had LOTS of work to do. I had no choice but to spend my day inside or rushing from place to place. I opened up Instagram and beautiful hiking photo after beautiful hiking photo popped up. I felt myself overcome with a pouty feeling at which I smiled.

One of my favorite lines from Maya Angelou’s book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is (paraphrased) “Sista, if you find something about yo’ self that you don’t like, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” This has been something I have returned to time and time again. You can replace “yo’self” with anything, a situation, circumstance, etc.  It is wonderful tool for balancing emotions and feeling truly happy and content in life.

Anyhow, I momentarily lamented about the beautiful January day that I unfortunately could not spend outside and then it fluttered away and I was able to feel joy for my friend who was out frolicking in it. To make up for the beautiful day I missed, I seized the opportunity and carved out an hour from my Monday afternoon to do a little playing myself.  In this case, my momentary tinge of jealousy served as an inspiration for me to feel joy for another and receive joy in the action I took as well.

Stop to Smell the Roses

This morning’s walk is dedicated to Mary Oliver who I was recently introduced to … A woman whose relationship with her dog and nature are equally as strong….

Abigail and I have become accustomed to walking without a leash. I find it necessary to scoop her solid, little body up only when other dog owners of more ferocious dogs have their pets off of leashes and Abigail gets territorial.

During this morning’s walk around the block, she bolted across the street and started heavily sniffing a mailbox. I made my way across the street to give he a gentle nudge to come back to our walking path and she moves along to the next mailbox, then the next and then the large shrub. I can tell that she has had this desire and she is filling her palate with all new, intriguing scents.

She reminded me that we often go through our routine because we are in a hurry and because it is the most efficient way. It is often a very pleasant and stress free as well, but every once in awhile you have to break from your path and make a dart across the street to “stop to smell the roses”, or mailboxes!

Compassion

The word compassion is derived from the Latin roots com- "together" or “with”+ pati "to suffer" or “endure”. To endure or to suffer with another is something that comes from the heart.

One would think that experience begets compassion and that those who have experienced similar situations would inherently find compassion for others who follow the same path, but this isn’t always so. I have observed the opposite in both myself and others; the scenario in which those who have walked in the same shoes turn their back on those currently in similar situations. I once naively thought that circumstances of the same caliber were created equal. They are not. We have a different capacity for that which we can personally handle and for the compassion we have for others. For these reasons, all experiences are not created equal nor do equivalent circumstances beget commensurate amounts of compassion. However, it all balances out in the end. Fortunately, the world is blessed with souls who find compassion less the experience to obtain it.

I began writing this piece several months ago and kept running into fallacies in my thinking. I was troubled with how we could possibly create a more compassionate world when it is necessary to distance oneself from situations for the sake of self-preservation. My mind took twists and turns down a maze of thoughts as to where the balance was between compassion and self-preservation.  I had a moment of clarity while driving and quickly sketched out this train of thought in The Power of Intention.

This moment of clarity resulted in classifying different forms of compassion such that all people can be compassionate to one another always. It is all in one's intention. This in and of itself a difficult thing to understand and often misunderstood.

Branch to bough, with an open heart, compassion is always available for both the receiver and the giver.

Distant Compassion  

• To endure or suffer with another from a distance in a detached state. In this state of compassion one can offer his hand to another through prayer, good thoughts and actions.

Indirect Compassion 

• To endure or suffer with another while maintaining boundaries. An example of this may be to be directly involved in someone’s life, but choosing to abstain from conversation about that which they may be suffering. While I have no empirical evidence, my instinct tells me that albeit an extremely beneficial form of compassion to practice, indirect compassion is likely to be the least practiced. I find that people often go for outliers when it comes to unknown situations such as one where practicing a form of compassion is appropriate. It is easier to go all in or do nothing.

Direct Compassion

• To endure or suffer with another directly. One might say this is a gentler form of empathy. When one has direct compassion for another she is involved in someone's life on a regular basis, understands the sufferings and endures them with him/her. This is not to say that she takes on the feelings of the sufferer. That would be moving into a position of empathy. We can have direct compassion for each other at all points in life, both good and troubled. Although, during the latter it is often beneficial for most to take positions of distant or indirect compassion. This form of compassion usually falls on caretakers, family members, spouses, lovers, etc

Quote-Like Thotz

“Eventually a social butterfly's wings get tired and it finds a place to rest.” 

 - August 5, 2013

“Is the opposite of faith (defined as belief without evidence), disbelief despite reality?”  

- August 1, 2013

"There is a thin line between arrogance and confidence." 

- Sometime in 2007

I remember walking the from the main building to the pre-owned sales store in order to attend to my daily duties. I will spare any reader the mind-numbing details of my "big-brother duties" as administrator for the CRM system. Instead, I will jump right ahead to the origin of this piece of food for thought.

There was a man in his late twenties with neatly cut hair, who was usually clean-shaved or sported a light 5 o'clock shadow. He typically dressed in dress slacks, a button down shirt and an argyle sweater vest. If this doesn't paint a clear image, envision a J Crew model; that's him. I was painfully shy around him, not just because of his looks, but because of his intelligence and his confidence; or, was it arrogance? He often sat around with his feet kicked up on a desk while doing a crossword puzzle. He had this sort of freedom because he was a top performer. I will never forget the day his humility shined through and his confidence became apparent. I developed a new found respect for him. 

All of the guys were standing around "ragging" on each other as they often did. I walked in just in time to hear someone say to the argyle-clad guy, "Dude, if your girl told you to jump, you would ask how high?" 

He shrugged his shoulders, smirked ever-so-slightly and with a twinkle in his eye he responded, "So what. I love her."

Thoughts on Karma...

Thoughts on Karma......(began June 30, 2013...developed today)

Our intentions are the clearest way to determine the energy we put out into the world. It was in 2004 that I remember feeling this for the first time. I gave a gift* and it came from a place of obligation. I realized that if I gave a gift from a place of guilt, it lost its full potential. I didn’t feel good about giving it and I was a little resentful. The receiver may have still used it to its fullest functional life, but the act of giving can always be a gift to the giver as well. 

In my opinion, the often overused and under realized idea of Karma is like gift giving. It is our intention we put out into the world with our actions, thoughts and our words. I have often felt guilty for my thoughts. I don't necessarily mean them, but they pop up and I find myself thinking, "Am I really such a terrible person for thinking this? Am I only tricking myself into believing I am kind and compassionate?" This is something I have wrestled with for quite some time and I have come to accept that Thoughts Happen. What we do with them is entirely our choice as is most anything in life. These ideas of choice/free will and whether or not we are predetermined to be good or not-so-good people brings up a a parable that I often cite and draw on. I am not sure where along the way I picked it up or who to credit it to. However, I envision a sage; an old Chinese teacher with round spectacles propped upon his nose. His thick, silver overgrown eyebrows rest on the top of his spectacles as he squints over his pupils who vary in age and size. All of the students sit at their desks with tablets and sticks of chalk as they await the answer to the question posed by a precocious boy about the age of five who struggles to reach the top of his one-size fits all chair-desk combination. 

"Teacher, what determines if a man is good or bad?" The teacher replies, "Student, within each person lies twin dogs. One good, one bad. They fight. Whichever one wins determines the outcome of the person's character." The student quickly perks up and says, "But what determines which dog wins?" The teacher smiles deeply and knowingly, squinting his eyes ever more tightly and says, "Whichever dog practices more." 

The meaning of this to me is that we all have the potential to be better human beings. The flipside of this is we have the potential to be not-so-good people if we are not present in our actions and our thoughts. We cannot control the impact of our thoughts, words and actions, but we can be aware of our intentions behind them.

* A gift can be words of praise, a blender, time, etc.  

Webster’s definition:

1 : a notable capacity, talent, or endowment

2 : something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation

3 : the act, right, or power of giving